Get Love Back - Does Your Lover Want to Break Up With You?
Is your lover trying to leave you? Do you have a sense that they
are pulling away from you, or even worry that they may be cheating with
someone else? Do you want to get love back, but you're afraid to come
right out and ask him or her what's really going on? Or just hoping that
whatever it is, it will blow over?
Deep down, you already know it won't just go away. Here are the signs to be aware of when a lover is moving in the direction, or possibly about to, walk away and end the relationship, or your marriage:
1. He or she is always busy
Suddenly, it seems, there are more evening meetings your lover simply must attend, more conferences requiring weekends away, and an endless list of reasons they can't spend as much time with you as you're used to. In fact, you barely ever see them. Has their career suddenly become that much more demanding? If you know some of your boyfriend's or girlfriend's or spouse's colleagues, it is possible to find out, in a subtle way that doesn't sound like you're just checking up on your lover.
At a casual gathering, try a comment about, for example, a particular seminar at a recent conference, or a charity event that your man or your woman has told you they attended, or something that shows some genuine interest in a recent event that, logically, both he or she and the colleague would have attended, and watch for the colleague's reaction, particularly their face and body language. It could tell you a lot.
2. They're always late
Being late or not turning up at all or consistently not calling when they said they would ("the meeting ran over") are clear signs that you are no longer someone they can keep even small promises to - and quite likely, not the larger promises, either.
3. They cancel dates or plans at the last minute
This may happen once, but if it's a new pattern, it's cause for concern.
4. Taking you for granted
Always expecting you'll be there when they finally do call, or have dinner on the table when they do turn up, or provide other services is just another form of thoughtlessness. If they've put you in the role of constant provider, it is no longer a relationship of mutual trust and respect.
5. Lies and omissions
No, they didn't "forget," they simply didn't bother to remember. To get love back, you need to get the trust back.
6. Name calling
Name calling, like denial, is another way to divert attention from what's really going on. All couples fight, but name calling is fighting dirty.
7. Criticizing you constantly
"You always..." or "You never..." or "Why can't you..." are criticism, and not in a positive and loving way, but in a way that tears you down. That's not the behaviour of someone who truly loves you. It is much worse when it happens in front of other people.
8. Endless arguments about nothing
All couples have conflicts, and all either learn positive ways to resolve them, often deepening their bond in the process, or they learn to live with their differences, or the relationship ends.
If you find that it seems you are always arguing about things that really don't matter (who forgot to replace the toilet roll, who didn't stop on the way home for milk, who should have walked the dog or put the trash out or paid a bill), but nothing seems to change, your relationship is in trouble because these arguments aren't really about the toilet roll, etc. - that's just the trigger and a momentary irritation.
And if it seems that one or both of you are irritated, or openly angry, much of the time, that's another sign. Unresolved chronic anger is a guaranteed relationship-killer.
9. Less Intimacy
There's less cuddling, or none. You can't remember the last time you hugged. Or kissed. The little things - a glance, a touch in passing, a shared smile or laugh, a compliment, happen less often, or not at all anymore. People just meeting you wouldn't see you as a couple, because you no longer seem to be connected.
10. Less Sex
Or none at all. This is the ultimate test that your lover is drifting away - they no longer want sex, at least not with you. There are many possible explanations, including a health condition, job stress, aging, or the one you may actually be fearing, that they are cheating on you.
So, is your lover on the verge of leaving you? You need to gather all the information you can, think through what you need and want, and have the difficult conversation. Be prepared for news that will hurt you. Keep in mind that most people don't want to have to say "I no longer love you."
Instead, they will send the message, in all of the ways above, hoping they won't have to ever have the reveal the 'real' reason. Or it could be that something has gone very wrong at work, some past problem you know nothing about has come back to haunt the present, there is a health worry...
There are many signs to watch for or reasons why but the only way to find out whats really wrong is to watch, think and ask. Think about what's happened, why you're unhappy and schedule a time to talk with your partner. If neither of you tries to solve things or is unwilling to admit there is a problem then nothing will get better.
Deep down, you already know it won't just go away. Here are the signs to be aware of when a lover is moving in the direction, or possibly about to, walk away and end the relationship, or your marriage:
1. He or she is always busy
Suddenly, it seems, there are more evening meetings your lover simply must attend, more conferences requiring weekends away, and an endless list of reasons they can't spend as much time with you as you're used to. In fact, you barely ever see them. Has their career suddenly become that much more demanding? If you know some of your boyfriend's or girlfriend's or spouse's colleagues, it is possible to find out, in a subtle way that doesn't sound like you're just checking up on your lover.
At a casual gathering, try a comment about, for example, a particular seminar at a recent conference, or a charity event that your man or your woman has told you they attended, or something that shows some genuine interest in a recent event that, logically, both he or she and the colleague would have attended, and watch for the colleague's reaction, particularly their face and body language. It could tell you a lot.
2. They're always late
Being late or not turning up at all or consistently not calling when they said they would ("the meeting ran over") are clear signs that you are no longer someone they can keep even small promises to - and quite likely, not the larger promises, either.
3. They cancel dates or plans at the last minute
This may happen once, but if it's a new pattern, it's cause for concern.
4. Taking you for granted
Always expecting you'll be there when they finally do call, or have dinner on the table when they do turn up, or provide other services is just another form of thoughtlessness. If they've put you in the role of constant provider, it is no longer a relationship of mutual trust and respect.
5. Lies and omissions
No, they didn't "forget," they simply didn't bother to remember. To get love back, you need to get the trust back.
6. Name calling
Name calling, like denial, is another way to divert attention from what's really going on. All couples fight, but name calling is fighting dirty.
7. Criticizing you constantly
"You always..." or "You never..." or "Why can't you..." are criticism, and not in a positive and loving way, but in a way that tears you down. That's not the behaviour of someone who truly loves you. It is much worse when it happens in front of other people.
8. Endless arguments about nothing
All couples have conflicts, and all either learn positive ways to resolve them, often deepening their bond in the process, or they learn to live with their differences, or the relationship ends.
If you find that it seems you are always arguing about things that really don't matter (who forgot to replace the toilet roll, who didn't stop on the way home for milk, who should have walked the dog or put the trash out or paid a bill), but nothing seems to change, your relationship is in trouble because these arguments aren't really about the toilet roll, etc. - that's just the trigger and a momentary irritation.
And if it seems that one or both of you are irritated, or openly angry, much of the time, that's another sign. Unresolved chronic anger is a guaranteed relationship-killer.
9. Less Intimacy
There's less cuddling, or none. You can't remember the last time you hugged. Or kissed. The little things - a glance, a touch in passing, a shared smile or laugh, a compliment, happen less often, or not at all anymore. People just meeting you wouldn't see you as a couple, because you no longer seem to be connected.
10. Less Sex
Or none at all. This is the ultimate test that your lover is drifting away - they no longer want sex, at least not with you. There are many possible explanations, including a health condition, job stress, aging, or the one you may actually be fearing, that they are cheating on you.
So, is your lover on the verge of leaving you? You need to gather all the information you can, think through what you need and want, and have the difficult conversation. Be prepared for news that will hurt you. Keep in mind that most people don't want to have to say "I no longer love you."
Instead, they will send the message, in all of the ways above, hoping they won't have to ever have the reveal the 'real' reason. Or it could be that something has gone very wrong at work, some past problem you know nothing about has come back to haunt the present, there is a health worry...
There are many signs to watch for or reasons why but the only way to find out whats really wrong is to watch, think and ask. Think about what's happened, why you're unhappy and schedule a time to talk with your partner. If neither of you tries to solve things or is unwilling to admit there is a problem then nothing will get better.
They may be leaving you. Or they may be crying out for help. To get your lover back, you must gather your courage and create the opportunity to find out.
Article Source:
http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=JB_Johnson